When I think of lying, a few things (and people) come to mind! We all know liars, and whether we admit it or not, WE all lie. Liars come in just about every kind, no matter gender or race or age or anything else, no one is excluded. There are the lies that get us out of trouble or help us avoid certain situations. We'll lie to authority in a minute to save our behinds! Lies help us sometimes, they can be affective and that is why we utilize them. We lie to spare people's feelings because we know the truth hurts so we withhold our true thoughts and feelings or even another's to prevent hurt. We exaggerate, to make a story more colorful or entertaining or more convincing. We lie to make ourselves look better or seem better for whatever reason. We lie to come up on something, whether it be money or sex or a person or a job. We lie to our significant others because we're doing things that we know we're not supposed to be doing. And last, but not least, because these are the worst liars that there are...and I refuse to make this a WE situation because these people are horrible...
PEOPLE WHO LIE FOR NO REASON!
They're the people who will call you out of the blue to tell you a totally made up story, or volunteer lies without even a question asked that they feel pressured to lie about. We all have those people in our lives that no matter what they say, even if we seen it with our own eyes, we can't believe them. You never understand why they're lying because there was really no logical reason or personal gain that could come out of the lie. These people frustrate you! You can't, don't, and won't deal with these people...or will you? You tend to avoid them by all means...or do you? Why can't we put up with a lying friend or family member but we'll stand by a lying spouse? I have a cousin and a friend that I can't deal with because their whole lives are a lie, but I dealt with a horrible liar for a while. He volunteered lies with or without a question asked by me. All of our time was spent with me calling him a liar and him saying "you think I'm always lying", but he was. When someone believed him, I would be shocked in my heart (lol). My aunt Mimi once posted this:
"I don't lie because people only lie when they're scared, and I ain't scared of nothing."
When our significant other(s) lie to us, do we somehow get a high out of it? Satisfaction, even? Do we feel like they are scared of us? Or do we get a feeling like they care enough about us to lie in order to spare our feelings or make us feel good? Does our "boo" lying to us give us a sense of grandeur? If so, let me reroute your thinking: No matter what someone feels they are lying for, in their subconscious they are lying for PERSONAL GAIN. So, no, they're not lying to spare your feelings, they're lying to keep their ass out of trouble so they can continue to be happy and get their needs fulfilled. We can't ever forget that a lie is selfish. Can't deny it either! Someone can tell theirself that they're lying to protect their friend from hurt, you're not, you just don't want to be the bad guy...you don't want to do the dirty work. You're avoiding the situation no matter how much you want to deny it. SELFISH. A lie has and always will be for personal gain. There is the exception: legal diagnosis, lying diseases:
-Pseudologia fantastica: a term applied by psychiatrists to the behavior of habitual (by habit) or compulsive (uncontrollable) lying
-Mythomania: condition where there is an excessive or abnormal propensity for lying and exaggerating
That's a whole different argument because few people are actually legally diagnosed. Something to think about is that studies show that it takes longer to tell a lie than to tell the truth and it's more work to lie and the extra problems and situations created just adds to that stress. The point is that if you're lying, it's usually because you're doing something you're not supposed to. WHY LIE?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Growing, Growing, GROWN!
The rate of maturity/growth is different for every person. It's a case-by-case basis kind of thing and sometimes it purely us that promotes growth within ourselves and other times it's circumstances. Either way, it's good. It's what we're supposed to do in life: BE BETTER. One of my best friends, Lashay, once had a status that said something like "I learn something new everyday and if you don't learn something new everyday then kill yaself" or "what are you hear for?" something along those lines (lol). Though I thought it was a bit harsh, it was 100% real! What did you take out of today, how did you expand your mind? Challenge your thinking? How did you broaden your horizons? What was your contribution to your success today? How did you grow? There are days when I can't pinpoint my growth and then I'll hear or see something that I once laughed at and/or thought lightly of and my heart won't let me entertain it and sometimes it's hard to not be disgusted. How do we get here? Is it our own will? Are we going to sleep with the thoughts of a better us or is it coming with age? Maybe it' experience that is maturing us or maybe the more we learn, the more sense we develop. Maybe it's your kid or another loved one that gives you that feeling that you're doing it for them, you want to be better for them. The point I am trying to make is that you get to that place when the only opinions matter are the ones that need to matter. Does that mean an older person is bullet-proof? No! But they know when to fight and when to walk away. One thing I struggle with is my temper and my lack of a filter on my mouth-piece most of the time. I am the nicest person at first, and as long as someone is good to me, I am good to them but I can't stand someone getting smart with me. When a person gets smart, it's over for them because I will dig into their life! But now, I sometimes think how far words can go and what an argument can turn into. Is every smart comment worth a fight? Or is the person that can let some words slide (due to lack of relevance) the real winner? I know that words can cut deeper than a knife and there are times I use this to my advantage but when are we independent of others' opinions enough to be able to ignore a few words and not care what other people have to say about it? We are in this age where Facebook is mostly indirect statuses, and a subtweet on Twitter is normal behavior, where cyber-fighting is condoned and these same "keyboard villains" will stand next to you in person and say not one single word. How serious can you take someone who is more dangerous with a mouse and a keyboard ten miles away but in person you would never know that they had a problem with you? How many marks or bruises did you get from some words spat at you? How angry are you about something someone said if it isn't true? Lately, these have been my feelings:
-If someone is being indirect with you, it doesn't apply to you. "If it don't apply let it fly" If they ain't saying your name, then they ain't talking to you. POINT BLANK PERIOD.
-If a person actually has some balls and says your name in a status/tweet...you have to thank them for thinking highly enough of you that you're worthy of so much od their attention. They're making you famous.
-You can't get angry about a person talking about you directly because all of that public attention they gave you and 99.99% of the time..."they ain't about that life".
-If someone is over the age of 13, an indirect or direct status attacking someone is a damn shame. There will always be certain circumstances that will push someone there...I've been there, but believe me when I say that I don't ever want to be there again! Adult conduct is appreciated!
-If someone is not laying a hand on you, then everything they're saying is irrelevant. I'm simply telling people in 2011 "You can show me better than you can tell me." I haven't said it yet but I bet that once I do tsay that to someone...the talking will continue and I won't be showed anything at all.
Most everything is a bluff from my experience!
POSITIVITY IS BEAUTIFUL, IT'S SUCCESSFUL, IT'S GODLY, IT'S APPRECIATED, IT'S ADMIRED, IT'S RESPECTED, IT'S WELCOMED, IT'S BEFRIENDED, IT'S PROMOTED, IT'S GROWTH!
Tell me what negativity has accomplished. I'll wait..........................exactly.
When you prioritize, a beef that's never going to get cooked is irrelevant. When shots are fired, look at the shooter...what's they're life like? Are they worth your time? Are you sure you want to validate them?
Lex Luger tweeted:
"never seen nor met a hater who did or has more than me ....... #PERIOD"
Need I say more?
-If someone is being indirect with you, it doesn't apply to you. "If it don't apply let it fly" If they ain't saying your name, then they ain't talking to you. POINT BLANK PERIOD.
-If a person actually has some balls and says your name in a status/tweet...you have to thank them for thinking highly enough of you that you're worthy of so much od their attention. They're making you famous.
-You can't get angry about a person talking about you directly because all of that public attention they gave you and 99.99% of the time..."they ain't about that life".
-If someone is over the age of 13, an indirect or direct status attacking someone is a damn shame. There will always be certain circumstances that will push someone there...I've been there, but believe me when I say that I don't ever want to be there again! Adult conduct is appreciated!
-If someone is not laying a hand on you, then everything they're saying is irrelevant. I'm simply telling people in 2011 "You can show me better than you can tell me." I haven't said it yet but I bet that once I do tsay that to someone...the talking will continue and I won't be showed anything at all.
Most everything is a bluff from my experience!
POSITIVITY IS BEAUTIFUL, IT'S SUCCESSFUL, IT'S GODLY, IT'S APPRECIATED, IT'S ADMIRED, IT'S RESPECTED, IT'S WELCOMED, IT'S BEFRIENDED, IT'S PROMOTED, IT'S GROWTH!
Tell me what negativity has accomplished. I'll wait..........................exactly.
When you prioritize, a beef that's never going to get cooked is irrelevant. When shots are fired, look at the shooter...what's they're life like? Are they worth your time? Are you sure you want to validate them?
Lex Luger tweeted:
"never seen nor met a hater who did or has more than me ....... #PERIOD"
Need I say more?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Unfortunate to Never Have Been Unfortunate...
Sooo, philosophy has been kicking my butt all semester but it really is an interesting subject and sometimes I overly enjoy it :)! Some of the quotes, questions, and material is post-worthy but I wouldn't kill anyone with my weird obsessions! I promise! This was pretty good though, a quote from an ancient (and famous) philosopher named, Seneca. The quote is:
"I count you unfortunate because you have never been unfortunate."
Below is my test, an essay test that we basically have to state if we do or do not agree with Seneca's quote. Enjoy! And excuse my grammor, I'm just a major, not a master. :)
I absolutely agree with Seneca's quote. Life is full of lessons, they'll never be written on a chalkboard or listed in a book, they will be experiences. Good and bad experiences which will challenge you to grow and learn and ultimately become a better person. Not everyone will take something out of experience, because depending on who they are and how they are due to their upbringing and development, they may not see that something can be learned. They see mistakes as accidents that were inevitable, when an action of theirs or someone elses may have caused the mistake which could have been avoided. Thus, knowing what action could have been avoied could prevent the same mistake from happening, rather than failing to see what could have been learned from that situation. When it comes to this quote, there are many sides. For one, it is extremely hard to realize how good something or someone may be if you have never experienced the opposite of that something or someone. For instance, a woman who has grown up poor would more than likely be content with a husband who is middle-class than a woman who was brought up in a middle-class or upper-class family. People who always prosper, who don't experience bad things, who have never faced any traumatic situations probably won't ever get to experience the real beauty of things, can they become wise if there are no situations or experiences to gain knowledge of life from? Can a person who has never experienced the death of a parent, counsel a person who recently suffered the loss of their mother? Can a person who has never been involved in gang activities convince a teen involved in a gang to change the way he is living? We hear the word credentials and we began to think of professional credentials, but life credentials also exist. What have we overcome? What hardship did we work through to be a stronger person? This has nothing to do with rich or poor, because illness/death/misfortune...it can happen to any and everyone. But how can we appreciate the valuie of something if we have no idea what value is?
"I count you unfortunate because you have never been unfortunate."
Below is my test, an essay test that we basically have to state if we do or do not agree with Seneca's quote. Enjoy! And excuse my grammor, I'm just a major, not a master. :)
I absolutely agree with Seneca's quote. Life is full of lessons, they'll never be written on a chalkboard or listed in a book, they will be experiences. Good and bad experiences which will challenge you to grow and learn and ultimately become a better person. Not everyone will take something out of experience, because depending on who they are and how they are due to their upbringing and development, they may not see that something can be learned. They see mistakes as accidents that were inevitable, when an action of theirs or someone elses may have caused the mistake which could have been avoided. Thus, knowing what action could have been avoied could prevent the same mistake from happening, rather than failing to see what could have been learned from that situation. When it comes to this quote, there are many sides. For one, it is extremely hard to realize how good something or someone may be if you have never experienced the opposite of that something or someone. For instance, a woman who has grown up poor would more than likely be content with a husband who is middle-class than a woman who was brought up in a middle-class or upper-class family. People who always prosper, who don't experience bad things, who have never faced any traumatic situations probably won't ever get to experience the real beauty of things, can they become wise if there are no situations or experiences to gain knowledge of life from? Can a person who has never experienced the death of a parent, counsel a person who recently suffered the loss of their mother? Can a person who has never been involved in gang activities convince a teen involved in a gang to change the way he is living? We hear the word credentials and we began to think of professional credentials, but life credentials also exist. What have we overcome? What hardship did we work through to be a stronger person? This has nothing to do with rich or poor, because illness/death/misfortune...it can happen to any and everyone. But how can we appreciate the valuie of something if we have no idea what value is?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Pursuit of Unhappiness"
"The Pursuit of UN-Happiness"
It's always been my thought that happiness is what you assume it to be. From my observations and, more importantly: my studies, that's exactly what it is. We define what happiness is to us in our minds and how we measure up to our definition defines exactly how happy or sad we are. Our biological, sociological, and psychological development will be what helps us to create this definition and because of the many influencing factors, it forever changes.
All of that makes sense to me! We grow older, we'll outgrow friends and get new ones, our priorities change, so of course our definition will change. When I first learned this, which was not too long ago, it all made sense. My grandma (the perfectionist) is the happiest when everything has order, my pop (the bishop) is most happy when he sees people praise God like he thinks they should, my brother (the crazy one, lol) is most happy with money, and my niece (the infant) is most happy with something good for her mouth and people replenishing when she shows them that she's finished what she was eating. If there's one thing guaranteed about the world...it's diversity! There's one word tied directly to our happiness: accomplishments! How do we compare next to our idea of happiness? How much of that definition have we accomplished? For me, happiness is success in life. My definition of success (everyones is different due to interests, paths in life) is doing well in everything that I set out to do. My thoughts are always "how are my grades in school? Am I giving it my all? Am I satisfied with the effort I'm putting forth? At work am I fulfilling my duties to the best of my ability? Am I playing my part as a team member to keep the job smooth?"
When I am asking these questions, I am almost always satisfied, even when I know there is room for improvement. The thoughts almost always go wrong when they turn from my own criticism to trying to guess others criticism.
"If Pop saw your grades what would he say? You know he frowns at anything below an A. What would mom say about the time you sound studying. Honestly, you don't spend much time studying. What does your boss think of you? You probably don't do as good as you think."
I said all of that to say this: When we stop living up to our own expectations, it can work in our favor because we develop healthy stress which acts as motivation, but at the same time so many negative things develop that I have to question if that little bit of motivation is even worth it. By incorporating others opinions into our definition of happiness, it morphs, and though it is still in our head, it is no longer OUR definition. Insecurities develop, unhealthy competition, a constant feeling of being in a race, and the worst of all...the perception of failure. Failure is surely a downer! I see it too often, I could even provide real life examples because it happens everyday and it happens to everyone. It can be bad and it can be worse. It's all in whose expectations you began to live up to. Is it your parents/guardians? Friends? Significant other's? Mentors? Or the worst...an "enemy"? Coveting is one of the ten commandments. I am witnessing peoples definition of happiness morphing constantly and not because they care what the people that matter to them think, but because the people that don't matter are the opinions they think most highly of. Searching for an approval they'll never get! Forgetting all of the things that once made you happy because you are competing with someone for THEIR happiness. We have to remember who matters and in what order, and most importantly that our true happiness lies within our own thoughts and opinions, and our joy lies within our relationship with Christ. When you're not being true to yourself, it will eventually get hard to fake it and you will be a visibly bitter person, and willingly on the pursuit of UN-happiness.
Be blessed! <3
It's always been my thought that happiness is what you assume it to be. From my observations and, more importantly: my studies, that's exactly what it is. We define what happiness is to us in our minds and how we measure up to our definition defines exactly how happy or sad we are. Our biological, sociological, and psychological development will be what helps us to create this definition and because of the many influencing factors, it forever changes.
All of that makes sense to me! We grow older, we'll outgrow friends and get new ones, our priorities change, so of course our definition will change. When I first learned this, which was not too long ago, it all made sense. My grandma (the perfectionist) is the happiest when everything has order, my pop (the bishop) is most happy when he sees people praise God like he thinks they should, my brother (the crazy one, lol) is most happy with money, and my niece (the infant) is most happy with something good for her mouth and people replenishing when she shows them that she's finished what she was eating. If there's one thing guaranteed about the world...it's diversity! There's one word tied directly to our happiness: accomplishments! How do we compare next to our idea of happiness? How much of that definition have we accomplished? For me, happiness is success in life. My definition of success (everyones is different due to interests, paths in life) is doing well in everything that I set out to do. My thoughts are always "how are my grades in school? Am I giving it my all? Am I satisfied with the effort I'm putting forth? At work am I fulfilling my duties to the best of my ability? Am I playing my part as a team member to keep the job smooth?"
When I am asking these questions, I am almost always satisfied, even when I know there is room for improvement. The thoughts almost always go wrong when they turn from my own criticism to trying to guess others criticism.
"If Pop saw your grades what would he say? You know he frowns at anything below an A. What would mom say about the time you sound studying. Honestly, you don't spend much time studying. What does your boss think of you? You probably don't do as good as you think."
I said all of that to say this: When we stop living up to our own expectations, it can work in our favor because we develop healthy stress which acts as motivation, but at the same time so many negative things develop that I have to question if that little bit of motivation is even worth it. By incorporating others opinions into our definition of happiness, it morphs, and though it is still in our head, it is no longer OUR definition. Insecurities develop, unhealthy competition, a constant feeling of being in a race, and the worst of all...the perception of failure. Failure is surely a downer! I see it too often, I could even provide real life examples because it happens everyday and it happens to everyone. It can be bad and it can be worse. It's all in whose expectations you began to live up to. Is it your parents/guardians? Friends? Significant other's? Mentors? Or the worst...an "enemy"? Coveting is one of the ten commandments. I am witnessing peoples definition of happiness morphing constantly and not because they care what the people that matter to them think, but because the people that don't matter are the opinions they think most highly of. Searching for an approval they'll never get! Forgetting all of the things that once made you happy because you are competing with someone for THEIR happiness. We have to remember who matters and in what order, and most importantly that our true happiness lies within our own thoughts and opinions, and our joy lies within our relationship with Christ. When you're not being true to yourself, it will eventually get hard to fake it and you will be a visibly bitter person, and willingly on the pursuit of UN-happiness.
Be blessed! <3
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Family is a Blessing!
There are things you will learn in life and while I can appreciate life lessons, I can't hide the fact that some of the things we learn will hurt. At 20, I have been exposed to things that most won't ever get the opportunity to experience and things that most shouldn't ever experience. I grew up surrounded by some things that would sound like a crazy tv show if I elaborated on them. I have survived, not that, physically, my life was always in danger but looking at me now, then looking at what I could have been...I am glad to say that I survived. I think in ways that sometimes surprise me because according to statistics, I should be nothing. I am blessed! He has blessed with ambition and thick skin! An outsider never has and, I honestly think, never will break me down. But then I go back to these life lessons, and I learned that everyone has a kryptonite. I learned that people I love are my kryptonite...I also learned that people I love have the ability to break me down. A brother will hurt you quicker than a stranger, it seems but the reality is they won't hurt you quicker than a stranger, their attempts are just successful. It's a shame when you have to protect yourself from the people that should be standing with you, fighting to protect you from any harm. How can you fight outside your circle when you're constantly fighting within? There goes family values right out of the window because the sense of self is too strong to hold onto it. Another life lesson learned: when you have nothing else, you have family. Your family is who you say it is, everyone won't be blood but sometimes blood couldn't make some relationships closer. So keep in mind while you're burning those family bridges that the thing you have placed before your family is the thing that will break you and with no family, who are you going to turn to? Priorities, priorities. Your family might not be ideal or perfect but they're yours! I love my big (crazy) family.
Xoxo,
Gabby
Xoxo,
Gabby
Peter Pan, Man.
Peter Pan, Man.
I was blessed in life with such a big family, blood family, stepfamily, in-laws, and friends who have become family. I am surrounded by an abundance of women, who have their faults, but are still able to be called women. No matter how modernized the family has become, keep in mind that women are the weaker sex. We were made for man, to compliment a man. Now, don't get me wrong, us women are beautiful! As of late, we have been forced into a confusion, role-reverse because of the lack of men. Not a lack of men as in there are none, but a lack of men as in they don't know how to be men. They have been born a boy and somehow they stay in that mindset. I've been blessed to grow up with three grandfathers, a father, a multitude of uncles, and six brothers. I am surrounded by men! Unfortunately, I can probably think of four men I know that actually are men. They fulfill their duty in the household, in their family, in their relationships, and in their jobs/careers. And the four out of all of them, JUST started getting their selves together. Rewind to the old days where everyone had a role: dad was the breadwinner, the provider, the man of the house...he kept everything together. Mom was the homemaker, the nurturer. Women were courted and married and children were afforded the stability of a mother and father. Men have turned into complete cowards! Not every man, because there are men out there that are doing what they were supposed to do, but we can be honest and admit they are few and far between. Everything changes with the times so I don't expect women to still be in the kitchen, our everyday duties involving a oven mitt and a duster, but does family value have to diminish with every passing year? The world is turned upside down. Men are degrading women, using them for what they want or need, then throwing them away, used and empty. Impregnating multiple women and not even having the common decency to take care of the children they are creating. Moving in with women or allowing her to be the breadwinner because they're too lazy to work. Beating on the women they are supposed to love, most times the ones who gave birth to their children. Having no respect for their mothers or the women who sacrificed for them. Then wondering why their sisters are with a low-life or why their daughters are pregnant teenagers. Why their sons have spent more time in jail than home and why they won't commit to women. Once again, it's all a cycle. There is a shortage of real men in the world. No one is asking for perfection, if we're settling for the breed of men out here now, that should prove there is no need to be even close to good! But there are several things a man needs: priorities, leadership, ambition, and common sense!!! I don't know what's worse ...the fact that these men are boys or the fact that they don't see the problem with their actions. SMH at the future!!!
“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
Laura Swenson quotes
"Top 10: Traits of a Real Man"
http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98c_mafia.html
(I can't agree 100% with the way he elaborates, but the ten titles are on the money!)
I was blessed in life with such a big family, blood family, stepfamily, in-laws, and friends who have become family. I am surrounded by an abundance of women, who have their faults, but are still able to be called women. No matter how modernized the family has become, keep in mind that women are the weaker sex. We were made for man, to compliment a man. Now, don't get me wrong, us women are beautiful! As of late, we have been forced into a confusion, role-reverse because of the lack of men. Not a lack of men as in there are none, but a lack of men as in they don't know how to be men. They have been born a boy and somehow they stay in that mindset. I've been blessed to grow up with three grandfathers, a father, a multitude of uncles, and six brothers. I am surrounded by men! Unfortunately, I can probably think of four men I know that actually are men. They fulfill their duty in the household, in their family, in their relationships, and in their jobs/careers. And the four out of all of them, JUST started getting their selves together. Rewind to the old days where everyone had a role: dad was the breadwinner, the provider, the man of the house...he kept everything together. Mom was the homemaker, the nurturer. Women were courted and married and children were afforded the stability of a mother and father. Men have turned into complete cowards! Not every man, because there are men out there that are doing what they were supposed to do, but we can be honest and admit they are few and far between. Everything changes with the times so I don't expect women to still be in the kitchen, our everyday duties involving a oven mitt and a duster, but does family value have to diminish with every passing year? The world is turned upside down. Men are degrading women, using them for what they want or need, then throwing them away, used and empty. Impregnating multiple women and not even having the common decency to take care of the children they are creating. Moving in with women or allowing her to be the breadwinner because they're too lazy to work. Beating on the women they are supposed to love, most times the ones who gave birth to their children. Having no respect for their mothers or the women who sacrificed for them. Then wondering why their sisters are with a low-life or why their daughters are pregnant teenagers. Why their sons have spent more time in jail than home and why they won't commit to women. Once again, it's all a cycle. There is a shortage of real men in the world. No one is asking for perfection, if we're settling for the breed of men out here now, that should prove there is no need to be even close to good! But there are several things a man needs: priorities, leadership, ambition, and common sense!!! I don't know what's worse ...the fact that these men are boys or the fact that they don't see the problem with their actions. SMH at the future!!!
“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
Laura Swenson quotes
"Top 10: Traits of a Real Man"
http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98c_mafia.html
(I can't agree 100% with the way he elaborates, but the ten titles are on the money!)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
A World Full of Crustaceans
On the phone with my boyfriend last night, he expressed some things that instantly made me think of the "crabs in a bucket theory". The theory, mostly associated with the black race, basically says, as a race or more specifically as a culture or a community, or even on a personal level in any relationship, we can't progress because instead of helping each other, we pull each other back, similar to how crabs in a barrel pull each other down when one is trying to escape the bucket.
Wikipedia's explanation:
"Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither should you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of jealousy, conspiracy or competitive feelings."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
A different article sums it up in a quote:
"People love success. They just don't like successful people."
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Crabs-in-a-Bucket&id=4308757)
What do we blame this theory on? Is it human nature? Is it society? Did we inadvertently learn this in our development? We (people), have such a hard time processing the reality that, in life, others will be more successful and whether we realize it or not, sometimes we develop jealous feelings and they won't allow us to be happy for that person, let alone help them. It's not a blatant "I want what he has" jealousy, more of "why would I help him and he's doing better than me" or even "we're on the same level, why would I help him get to the next level" way of thinking. You're not jealous of what that person has, rather you're jealous of what you don't have (if that makes any sense). Think about it! You're going to help someone you're doing better than before you help someone who is doing better than you. Along with the problem of self-doubt and low success rates that already plague our race, this mentality is another way we cripple ourselves. We'd rather see someone doing bad or be equal to us than let them surpass us. Which, let me add could work out for you. It's called networking. One hand washes the other. Though, The crab mentality can go both ways. We have to be willing to help someone up once we get to the top. As always, it goes back to a kind of team thinking and not that we should all be a part of a team but if me helping someone else has even the slightest potential of helping me, directly or indirectly, why wouldn't I? All good and all evil has a cycle. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so enslaved by our immediate that we compromise our ultimate. We have to keep the bigger picture in mind! And Let me be the first to admit that doing something as simple as remembering the bigger picture is sooooo hard, especially in the moment, but life promotes learning which promotes growth. Add a positive mindset and patience and the things we can accomplish are endless. (I have to constantly remind myself that EVERYTHING is a process.) I have a feeling that in some way, we're all guilty somewhere on the crab mentality scale. The challenge us figuring out where.
"Teamwork makes the dreamwork"
An interesting lesson on the crab mentality (short & sweet)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XWg3PN26Ag&feature=related
Audio of a woman who had a campaign called "No weddings, no wombs" which was targeted at teenage girls/young women who were not yet mothers. The result were women who were mothers that were offended by the campaign giving negative feedback. Basically, the woman talking is saying that the women giving the feedback have a crab mentality and are steering the targeted young women in the wrong direction. I don't agree with all of this woman's views but she had good arguments to support her accusations. (good points until the 8 minute mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEgopJLn9SA
Wikipedia's explanation:
"Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither should you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of jealousy, conspiracy or competitive feelings."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
A different article sums it up in a quote:
"People love success. They just don't like successful people."
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Crabs-in-a-Bucket&id=4308757)
What do we blame this theory on? Is it human nature? Is it society? Did we inadvertently learn this in our development? We (people), have such a hard time processing the reality that, in life, others will be more successful and whether we realize it or not, sometimes we develop jealous feelings and they won't allow us to be happy for that person, let alone help them. It's not a blatant "I want what he has" jealousy, more of "why would I help him and he's doing better than me" or even "we're on the same level, why would I help him get to the next level" way of thinking. You're not jealous of what that person has, rather you're jealous of what you don't have (if that makes any sense). Think about it! You're going to help someone you're doing better than before you help someone who is doing better than you. Along with the problem of self-doubt and low success rates that already plague our race, this mentality is another way we cripple ourselves. We'd rather see someone doing bad or be equal to us than let them surpass us. Which, let me add could work out for you. It's called networking. One hand washes the other. Though, The crab mentality can go both ways. We have to be willing to help someone up once we get to the top. As always, it goes back to a kind of team thinking and not that we should all be a part of a team but if me helping someone else has even the slightest potential of helping me, directly or indirectly, why wouldn't I? All good and all evil has a cycle. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so enslaved by our immediate that we compromise our ultimate. We have to keep the bigger picture in mind! And Let me be the first to admit that doing something as simple as remembering the bigger picture is sooooo hard, especially in the moment, but life promotes learning which promotes growth. Add a positive mindset and patience and the things we can accomplish are endless. (I have to constantly remind myself that EVERYTHING is a process.) I have a feeling that in some way, we're all guilty somewhere on the crab mentality scale. The challenge us figuring out where.
"Teamwork makes the dreamwork"
An interesting lesson on the crab mentality (short & sweet)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XWg3PN26Ag&feature=related
Audio of a woman who had a campaign called "No weddings, no wombs" which was targeted at teenage girls/young women who were not yet mothers. The result were women who were mothers that were offended by the campaign giving negative feedback. Basically, the woman talking is saying that the women giving the feedback have a crab mentality and are steering the targeted young women in the wrong direction. I don't agree with all of this woman's views but she had good arguments to support her accusations. (good points until the 8 minute mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEgopJLn9SA
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Sad Case of Willingness!
Yet another reality show has taken the urban community by storm and taken the urban female a few steps back in progress made with our love interests regarding respect and expectations. Urban females (whether it black ehtnicity, growing up in the hood, or being raised in a black culture that makes the woman urban), have long been painted ghetto, inadequate, inferior...there are certain bars that act as expectations and we constantly reach those bars and stay there, proving society right. They tell us we're going to be teenage mothers who will be single mothers...never to get married and then statistics show a 17% marriage rate for black women. Do you know how sad that is? ten women in a room and 1 and 2/3 of them will get married. You visit urban high schools and big bellies are common, EXPECTED. We constantly sell ourselves short and a lot of it has to do with not knowing our self-worth. We've been told so much that we're not expected to go anywhere that we believe it. A lot of us are exposed to street life so early that dating a man whose greatest achievement was being the biggest drug dealer in his 'hood is okay and the man who is the same age but does not have big money, because he is in an entry-level position at a company, is a "corny". It's a constant struggle and our minds are so confused because we have succumbed to the labels of society. How many chickenheads do you know that are Asian or White? They probably can't even define "chickenhead". Not to say that they are better, because they are not, but they grew up with the thinking that they are because society is telling them that they are. It's hard to rise up when the odds are against you but none of this is new, so I don't accept any excuses. Everything we do will be judged, there will always be something wrong but when we turn into the person they said we will be...we are further oppressing ourselves.
Enter Emily B. (see above photo), obviously gorgeous, mother of two (toddler boy and pre-teen girl), celebrity stylist, and "self-proclaimed" girlfriend of rapper, Fabolous. Take note of the self-proclaimed. Since the "Love & Hip Hop" debut on VH1, she has been on a national campaign, trying to prove to the world that she is actually in a relationship with Fab. She constantly says things like, "He doesn't say he has a girlfriend because it doesn't fit into his rap persona", "He'll say he's single and then call me and say 'don't listen to the radio',", and other things that she thinks will help prove her point. Necole Bitchie posted an interview of her saying "If I don't have a problem with it, why is everyone else so bothered?"...yeah. A few points I want to make then I'll leave Ms. B, bee.
1) Jay-Z, T.I., Wayne...Beyonce, Tiny, (Trina, Nivea, and other babymoms). Rappers at the top of their game! No, they don't go around broadcasting, but their women are CLAIMED, also they are seen with them. She can miss me with that rap persona excuse! A fanbase is a fanbase, and trust me honey, him having a girlfriend ain't losing him any fans and ain't stopping no show because we all know some women just don't care.
2) You can't hang your dirty laundry on the clothesline outside and get upset when someone notices it. "...Why is everyone else so bothered?" Ummm...everyone wasn't so bothered two weeks ago when no one knew you existed. Everyone became so bothered when you decided to talk about it on a national television station. Not to mention the show was highly anticipated. D'oh!
3) You DO have a problem with it! If you didn't, your role on the show wouldn't be based on the way you feel about not existing in his world, dressing him up all nice but not being able to look nice with him on the red carpet...busting into tears when you talk to your friends about it. Seems like a problem to me...but what do I know.
The point is, someone will only do to us what we let them do! That's not saying that if we put our foot down, that person will act right, because that would be too much like right. Sometimes that means taking the plunge...leaving that situation that is hurting you so that you can begin to heal and eventually move on. This woman has dedicated eight years, eight years and what does she have to show for it? A kid, some nice things, a reality show that will probably hurt her relationship more than helping it, and a boyfriend that has yet to make a comment and prove her statements true. Know your self-worth and love yourself because "the moment you settle for less is the moment you get less than what you settled for."
Links:
Fab graciously denying Emily
Exclusive in-home Interview with Emily, conducted by Mashonda
http://www.vibe.com/content/pandoras-box-woman-behind-fabolous
Survey of the nosey girlfriends lol
This survey was made for all the wrong reasons! lol An original from three of my best friends (Coya, Heather, Raven) and myself, which was a clever way to ask all of the questions you want to know and a few you could care less about but are still good to know. Rave and my loves were in jail, so it also was something fun and outside of the regular mail (Jail mail is dreadful!) and everyone ended up enjoying it. The purpose of it on my blog is just an intro on me! And who knows, you may find good use for it!
The Basics
Name: Gabriella
Age: 20
Birthday: July 29
Zodiac sign: Leo (best sign EVER!)
Zodiac characteristics (most common): Confident, Leader, Generous,Creative, Expansive
What does your name mean: "God is my might" (urban dictionary reads different)
Are you named after someone: My dad's (& brother) name is Gary, but mom
insists I'm named after a soap opera character.
How many siblings do you have: 6 brothers, 1 sister
Who is your very best friend: Sequoia Lamae
Describe yourself in one word: Head-Strong
How would your best friend describe you in one word: Bossy (probably, lol)
Are you popular: In my city, yes
Are you brawn, brains, or beauty: All three (gotta have confidence), brawn the most
Dreams:
What was the first thing you ever wanted to be: A pole dancer (the pole with the ribbon)
When did you make that decision: I was like 7.
What is your biggest career goal: Psychiatrist who motivationally speaks
What is your dream job: Event planner for the famous
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: At THIS point, probably still in school
If plan a fails, do you have a plan b: I have a plan B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,...etc :)
Your best:
Best feature: Ummm...my face
Best characteristic: Loyal
Best skill: cosmetology
Best talent: creative writing
Best way to describe your life: busy and fulfilling
Favorites:
Favorite color: YELLOW
Favorite number: 7
Favorite food: Lasagna (Stouffers is the best!!!)
Favorite feature: smile
Favorite movie: Depends on the day, today: Inception
Favorite artist: Jay-Z, Remy Ma, Ne-Yo, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5
Favorite animal: Lion...the king of the jungle!!!
Favorite sibling: Nicholas Ray, as much as I hate to admit it!
Favorite soda: Only soda I drink is Ginger Ale
Favorite juice: OJ
Favorite alcohol beverage: Goose and Cranberry, Limon and OJ, Sour Amaretto
Favorite liquor: Limon, Goose
Favorite beer: Corona, Coors Light
Favorite shot: Goose :)
Favorite Vegetable: Corn (on the cob or cut off thecob)
Favorite Fruit: Watermelon
Favorite Salad: Seafood Tuna Macaroni
Favorite Nickname: Gabbanna (courtesy of Chad)
Favorite Curse Word: Fucktard (it's an original :0)
Favorite Season: SUMMA, SUMMA, SUMMATIME
Favorite Month: July (hoo-ly)
Favorite Day: Friday
Favorite Vacation spot: Thus far...California (Hollywood to be specific)
Favorite past time: Social Networking (I'm a junkie)
Hates:
Food: SALISBURY STEAK (and much more)
Day: Wednesday...it's so awkward!
Month: January (colder than December and it breeds demons)
Season: WINTER
Animal: Ummmm...I dunno!
Nickname: Gab Geez, Gab Money (anytime someone turns it hood)
Characteristic: Jealousy
Things:
Dream location: Toures, France (where the castles are!)
Dream car: Lambourghini (sp)
Dream house: Built by me, not too big, not too small with a glass front.
Extreme:
Worst fear: Going to hell.
Your worst regret: Having regrets.
What super-characteristic do you have: The gift of Gab (pun intended, I'll charm you!)
Pet peeve: Being ignored.
What you hate to be called: Bitch (even by girlfriends, it's not fun)
Curseword you hate: Dick (especially from a lady's mouth x0)
What do you consider the ultimate betrayal: Playing on a team against someone you love
If you could go back in time and change anything what would it be: Slacking in last years of HS
When you meet someone what is the first thing you look at: Teeth
Severe allergies/illnesses: Asthma :/
Thing that could piss you off the fastest: Someone close to me doing something done
Thing that could make you smile the fastest: Leelynn <3
Sex:
Age of first kiss: I think like 12
Age lost virginity: 15 (definitely could have waited)
Number of sexual partners: (forgot this question was here) Not listing the # but I'm on one hand
Fantasy: Public sex (don't judge me)
Ever had a threesome: No
Freakiest experience: Definitely got my feet licked freshman year of college o_O
Something you will never try: another female
Something you never tried but will: oral (one day, I'll feel someone deserves it)
Is foreplay a big thing: YESSSSS
Are you into anal: NO
Are you into oral: No...wait, if I'm receiving lol
Love:
How many relationships have you had: technically 4, really 3
How many times have you been in love: 2...and possibly getting there :)
Longest relationship: 2 years
Are you cool with that person: yup
Do you want to get married: yes
Physical feature in opposite sex: long as they're not fat, I could careless
Characteristic in other sex: confidence
One thing you need from significant other: dedication
Quote when it comes to a significant other: "don't gotta be perfect, but you gotta be worth it"
Characteristic boyfriend/girlfriend needs to have: AMBITION
In your opinion, what gives significant other staying power: loyalty
One thing you DON'T do that you would do in front of your friends: eat regular lol
Friendship:
Characteristic valued most: loyalty
What will make a friend: being obviously genuine
What will lose a friend: not knowing who's team they are playing for
How far would you go for a friend: as far as I possibly coould.
Random questions:
Hugs or kisses: depends on the person
What bug would you be: a bee (are they a bug? lol)
Do you like scary movies: NOOOOO
Movie genre you prefer: Comedy
If you could have a special power what would it be: invisibility
If you could have chose your name what would it have been: something hip and unisex
Tattoos:
How many do you have: 15
How many do you want: no set number, just a whole bunch of ideas
Age you got your first: 13
Favorite: scripture that runs down right rib cage
Most meaningful: praying hands on inner right wrist
If you could remove one would you: yes, the stupid butterfly on my waist line from Petey UGH
Childhood:
Hero: I think my big cousin Christina...turns out she's an imposter. Who knew?
Best friend: Umm...Abby, Stacia, Jess
Hobby: drawing
Past time: anything that had to do with running the streets lol
Ambitions: get good grades in school so I could become a OB/GYN
Right now:
How is your hair: long and straight
What color undies do you have on: navy blue, purple band, flower print
Mood: relaxed
What are you missing: my boyfriend
What are you doing: texting him
What you wish you were doing: anything with him
Person closest to you: Wendysha
Prettiest object: red rose on the dining room table
Ugliest object: cheesy pen holder on the computer desk
Smell in the air: grilled asparagus :)
Most noticeable noise: dishwasher
5 things you want to do before you die
1 Publish a book
2 Marry a man that I love and bear 3 children
3 Open my own psychiatrist office
4 Be a motivational speaker
5 Mingle with some celebs
If I had a million dollars I would: Pay off debts, break my loved ones off, BMF 25%, then invest
The hardest thing for me to do is: Humble myself :(
I always wanted to: be successful.
If I die tomorrow: I want to leave behind a legacy.
At the end of my life I want to be able to say: I lived my life the way I wanted to.
5 things people would never know if I didn't tell them:
1 I'm scared of the dark.
2 I am full of random and interesting facts and can tell you some things that'l blow your mind
3 If I wasn't able to learn new things, life would be meaningless. I love to learn!
4 My biggest goal is to get right with God.
5 I don't like to fight but I'm good at it.
If I compared my life to a movie, it would be _Set It Off______ and I would be _Jada Pinkett_ she was such a good person but she did what she had to do to ensure she took care of business.
Favorite quote about life: "I can sum up life in three words: it goes on."
The Basics
Name: Gabriella
Age: 20
Birthday: July 29
Zodiac sign: Leo (best sign EVER!)
Zodiac characteristics (most common): Confident, Leader, Generous,Creative, Expansive
What does your name mean: "God is my might" (urban dictionary reads different)
Are you named after someone: My dad's (& brother) name is Gary, but mom
insists I'm named after a soap opera character.
How many siblings do you have: 6 brothers, 1 sister
Who is your very best friend: Sequoia Lamae
Describe yourself in one word: Head-Strong
How would your best friend describe you in one word: Bossy (probably, lol)
Are you popular: In my city, yes
Are you brawn, brains, or beauty: All three (gotta have confidence), brawn the most
Dreams:
What was the first thing you ever wanted to be: A pole dancer (the pole with the ribbon)
When did you make that decision: I was like 7.
What is your biggest career goal: Psychiatrist who motivationally speaks
What is your dream job: Event planner for the famous
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: At THIS point, probably still in school
If plan a fails, do you have a plan b: I have a plan B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,...etc :)
Your best:
Best feature: Ummm...my face
Best characteristic: Loyal
Best skill: cosmetology
Best talent: creative writing
Best way to describe your life: busy and fulfilling
Favorites:
Favorite color: YELLOW
Favorite number: 7
Favorite food: Lasagna (Stouffers is the best!!!)
Favorite feature: smile
Favorite movie: Depends on the day, today: Inception
Favorite artist: Jay-Z, Remy Ma, Ne-Yo, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5
Favorite animal: Lion...the king of the jungle!!!
Favorite sibling: Nicholas Ray, as much as I hate to admit it!
Favorite soda: Only soda I drink is Ginger Ale
Favorite juice: OJ
Favorite alcohol beverage: Goose and Cranberry, Limon and OJ, Sour Amaretto
Favorite liquor: Limon, Goose
Favorite beer: Corona, Coors Light
Favorite shot: Goose :)
Favorite Vegetable: Corn (on the cob or cut off thecob)
Favorite Fruit: Watermelon
Favorite Salad: Seafood Tuna Macaroni
Favorite Nickname: Gabbanna (courtesy of Chad)
Favorite Curse Word: Fucktard (it's an original :0)
Favorite Season: SUMMA, SUMMA, SUMMATIME
Favorite Month: July (hoo-ly)
Favorite Day: Friday
Favorite Vacation spot: Thus far...California (Hollywood to be specific)
Favorite past time: Social Networking (I'm a junkie)
Hates:
Food: SALISBURY STEAK (and much more)
Day: Wednesday...it's so awkward!
Month: January (colder than December and it breeds demons)
Season: WINTER
Animal: Ummmm...I dunno!
Nickname: Gab Geez, Gab Money (anytime someone turns it hood)
Characteristic: Jealousy
Things:
Dream location: Toures, France (where the castles are!)
Dream car: Lambourghini (sp)
Dream house: Built by me, not too big, not too small with a glass front.
Extreme:
Worst fear: Going to hell.
Your worst regret: Having regrets.
What super-characteristic do you have: The gift of Gab (pun intended, I'll charm you!)
Pet peeve: Being ignored.
What you hate to be called: Bitch (even by girlfriends, it's not fun)
Curseword you hate: Dick (especially from a lady's mouth x0)
What do you consider the ultimate betrayal: Playing on a team against someone you love
If you could go back in time and change anything what would it be: Slacking in last years of HS
When you meet someone what is the first thing you look at: Teeth
Severe allergies/illnesses: Asthma :/
Thing that could piss you off the fastest: Someone close to me doing something done
Thing that could make you smile the fastest: Leelynn <3
Sex:
Age of first kiss: I think like 12
Age lost virginity: 15 (definitely could have waited)
Number of sexual partners: (forgot this question was here) Not listing the # but I'm on one hand
Fantasy: Public sex (don't judge me)
Ever had a threesome: No
Freakiest experience: Definitely got my feet licked freshman year of college o_O
Something you will never try: another female
Something you never tried but will: oral (one day, I'll feel someone deserves it)
Is foreplay a big thing: YESSSSS
Are you into anal: NO
Are you into oral: No...wait, if I'm receiving lol
Love:
How many relationships have you had: technically 4, really 3
How many times have you been in love: 2...and possibly getting there :)
Longest relationship: 2 years
Are you cool with that person: yup
Do you want to get married: yes
Physical feature in opposite sex: long as they're not fat, I could careless
Characteristic in other sex: confidence
One thing you need from significant other: dedication
Quote when it comes to a significant other: "don't gotta be perfect, but you gotta be worth it"
Characteristic boyfriend/girlfriend needs to have: AMBITION
In your opinion, what gives significant other staying power: loyalty
One thing you DON'T do that you would do in front of your friends: eat regular lol
Friendship:
Characteristic valued most: loyalty
What will make a friend: being obviously genuine
What will lose a friend: not knowing who's team they are playing for
How far would you go for a friend: as far as I possibly coould.
Random questions:
Hugs or kisses: depends on the person
What bug would you be: a bee (are they a bug? lol)
Do you like scary movies: NOOOOO
Movie genre you prefer: Comedy
If you could have a special power what would it be: invisibility
If you could have chose your name what would it have been: something hip and unisex
Tattoos:
How many do you have: 15
How many do you want: no set number, just a whole bunch of ideas
Age you got your first: 13
Favorite: scripture that runs down right rib cage
Most meaningful: praying hands on inner right wrist
If you could remove one would you: yes, the stupid butterfly on my waist line from Petey UGH
Childhood:
Hero: I think my big cousin Christina...turns out she's an imposter. Who knew?
Best friend: Umm...Abby, Stacia, Jess
Hobby: drawing
Past time: anything that had to do with running the streets lol
Ambitions: get good grades in school so I could become a OB/GYN
Right now:
How is your hair: long and straight
What color undies do you have on: navy blue, purple band, flower print
Mood: relaxed
What are you missing: my boyfriend
What are you doing: texting him
What you wish you were doing: anything with him
Person closest to you: Wendysha
Prettiest object: red rose on the dining room table
Ugliest object: cheesy pen holder on the computer desk
Smell in the air: grilled asparagus :)
Most noticeable noise: dishwasher
5 things you want to do before you die
1 Publish a book
2 Marry a man that I love and bear 3 children
3 Open my own psychiatrist office
4 Be a motivational speaker
5 Mingle with some celebs
If I had a million dollars I would: Pay off debts, break my loved ones off, BMF 25%, then invest
The hardest thing for me to do is: Humble myself :(
I always wanted to: be successful.
If I die tomorrow: I want to leave behind a legacy.
At the end of my life I want to be able to say: I lived my life the way I wanted to.
5 things people would never know if I didn't tell them:
1 I'm scared of the dark.
2 I am full of random and interesting facts and can tell you some things that'l blow your mind
3 If I wasn't able to learn new things, life would be meaningless. I love to learn!
4 My biggest goal is to get right with God.
5 I don't like to fight but I'm good at it.
If I compared my life to a movie, it would be _Set It Off______ and I would be _Jada Pinkett_ she was such a good person but she did what she had to do to ensure she took care of business.
Favorite quote about life: "I can sum up life in three words: it goes on."
Break out the welcoming committee!!!
Soooo...is this my fourth or fifth blog? I'm having trouble remembering! I'm a self-proclaimed perfectionist when it comes to anything I do that, (in my opinion) is artistic. The thing is...if you don't know someone and you are exposed to them through non-verbal communication (text, FB, Twitter, BLOGS) you have no choice but to paint your own picture of them...everyone will NOT be a fan and you have the potential to be taken totally wrong. Allow me to plead my case...I'M NICE! I swear (on my momma, on my hood :)...lol) that I am a friend until you force me to be an enemy. With that being said, welcome to the journey of...ummm...I actually don't know! That's the beauty of life...uncertainty. I can only hope that you enjoy this as much as I do (crosses fingers, squeezes eyes shut and makes wish) but...if you don't, life goes on.
In the words of Charlie Sheen..."I'm WINNING" Beyotch!
;)
In the words of Charlie Sheen..."I'm WINNING" Beyotch!
;)
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