There are things you will learn in life and while I can appreciate life lessons, I can't hide the fact that some of the things we learn will hurt. At 20, I have been exposed to things that most won't ever get the opportunity to experience and things that most shouldn't ever experience. I grew up surrounded by some things that would sound like a crazy tv show if I elaborated on them. I have survived, not that, physically, my life was always in danger but looking at me now, then looking at what I could have been...I am glad to say that I survived. I think in ways that sometimes surprise me because according to statistics, I should be nothing. I am blessed! He has blessed with ambition and thick skin! An outsider never has and, I honestly think, never will break me down. But then I go back to these life lessons, and I learned that everyone has a kryptonite. I learned that people I love are my kryptonite...I also learned that people I love have the ability to break me down. A brother will hurt you quicker than a stranger, it seems but the reality is they won't hurt you quicker than a stranger, their attempts are just successful. It's a shame when you have to protect yourself from the people that should be standing with you, fighting to protect you from any harm. How can you fight outside your circle when you're constantly fighting within? There goes family values right out of the window because the sense of self is too strong to hold onto it. Another life lesson learned: when you have nothing else, you have family. Your family is who you say it is, everyone won't be blood but sometimes blood couldn't make some relationships closer. So keep in mind while you're burning those family bridges that the thing you have placed before your family is the thing that will break you and with no family, who are you going to turn to? Priorities, priorities. Your family might not be ideal or perfect but they're yours! I love my big (crazy) family.
Xoxo,
Gabby
Showing posts with label Message. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Message. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
A World Full of Crustaceans
On the phone with my boyfriend last night, he expressed some things that instantly made me think of the "crabs in a bucket theory". The theory, mostly associated with the black race, basically says, as a race or more specifically as a culture or a community, or even on a personal level in any relationship, we can't progress because instead of helping each other, we pull each other back, similar to how crabs in a barrel pull each other down when one is trying to escape the bucket.
Wikipedia's explanation:
"Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither should you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of jealousy, conspiracy or competitive feelings."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
A different article sums it up in a quote:
"People love success. They just don't like successful people."
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Crabs-in-a-Bucket&id=4308757)
What do we blame this theory on? Is it human nature? Is it society? Did we inadvertently learn this in our development? We (people), have such a hard time processing the reality that, in life, others will be more successful and whether we realize it or not, sometimes we develop jealous feelings and they won't allow us to be happy for that person, let alone help them. It's not a blatant "I want what he has" jealousy, more of "why would I help him and he's doing better than me" or even "we're on the same level, why would I help him get to the next level" way of thinking. You're not jealous of what that person has, rather you're jealous of what you don't have (if that makes any sense). Think about it! You're going to help someone you're doing better than before you help someone who is doing better than you. Along with the problem of self-doubt and low success rates that already plague our race, this mentality is another way we cripple ourselves. We'd rather see someone doing bad or be equal to us than let them surpass us. Which, let me add could work out for you. It's called networking. One hand washes the other. Though, The crab mentality can go both ways. We have to be willing to help someone up once we get to the top. As always, it goes back to a kind of team thinking and not that we should all be a part of a team but if me helping someone else has even the slightest potential of helping me, directly or indirectly, why wouldn't I? All good and all evil has a cycle. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so enslaved by our immediate that we compromise our ultimate. We have to keep the bigger picture in mind! And Let me be the first to admit that doing something as simple as remembering the bigger picture is sooooo hard, especially in the moment, but life promotes learning which promotes growth. Add a positive mindset and patience and the things we can accomplish are endless. (I have to constantly remind myself that EVERYTHING is a process.) I have a feeling that in some way, we're all guilty somewhere on the crab mentality scale. The challenge us figuring out where.
"Teamwork makes the dreamwork"
An interesting lesson on the crab mentality (short & sweet)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XWg3PN26Ag&feature=related
Audio of a woman who had a campaign called "No weddings, no wombs" which was targeted at teenage girls/young women who were not yet mothers. The result were women who were mothers that were offended by the campaign giving negative feedback. Basically, the woman talking is saying that the women giving the feedback have a crab mentality and are steering the targeted young women in the wrong direction. I don't agree with all of this woman's views but she had good arguments to support her accusations. (good points until the 8 minute mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEgopJLn9SA
Wikipedia's explanation:
"Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither should you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of jealousy, conspiracy or competitive feelings."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
A different article sums it up in a quote:
"People love success. They just don't like successful people."
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Crabs-in-a-Bucket&id=4308757)
What do we blame this theory on? Is it human nature? Is it society? Did we inadvertently learn this in our development? We (people), have such a hard time processing the reality that, in life, others will be more successful and whether we realize it or not, sometimes we develop jealous feelings and they won't allow us to be happy for that person, let alone help them. It's not a blatant "I want what he has" jealousy, more of "why would I help him and he's doing better than me" or even "we're on the same level, why would I help him get to the next level" way of thinking. You're not jealous of what that person has, rather you're jealous of what you don't have (if that makes any sense). Think about it! You're going to help someone you're doing better than before you help someone who is doing better than you. Along with the problem of self-doubt and low success rates that already plague our race, this mentality is another way we cripple ourselves. We'd rather see someone doing bad or be equal to us than let them surpass us. Which, let me add could work out for you. It's called networking. One hand washes the other. Though, The crab mentality can go both ways. We have to be willing to help someone up once we get to the top. As always, it goes back to a kind of team thinking and not that we should all be a part of a team but if me helping someone else has even the slightest potential of helping me, directly or indirectly, why wouldn't I? All good and all evil has a cycle. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so enslaved by our immediate that we compromise our ultimate. We have to keep the bigger picture in mind! And Let me be the first to admit that doing something as simple as remembering the bigger picture is sooooo hard, especially in the moment, but life promotes learning which promotes growth. Add a positive mindset and patience and the things we can accomplish are endless. (I have to constantly remind myself that EVERYTHING is a process.) I have a feeling that in some way, we're all guilty somewhere on the crab mentality scale. The challenge us figuring out where.
"Teamwork makes the dreamwork"
An interesting lesson on the crab mentality (short & sweet)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XWg3PN26Ag&feature=related
Audio of a woman who had a campaign called "No weddings, no wombs" which was targeted at teenage girls/young women who were not yet mothers. The result were women who were mothers that were offended by the campaign giving negative feedback. Basically, the woman talking is saying that the women giving the feedback have a crab mentality and are steering the targeted young women in the wrong direction. I don't agree with all of this woman's views but she had good arguments to support her accusations. (good points until the 8 minute mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEgopJLn9SA
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