Saturday, April 9, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Pursuit of Unhappiness"
"The Pursuit of UN-Happiness"
It's always been my thought that happiness is what you assume it to be. From my observations and, more importantly: my studies, that's exactly what it is. We define what happiness is to us in our minds and how we measure up to our definition defines exactly how happy or sad we are. Our biological, sociological, and psychological development will be what helps us to create this definition and because of the many influencing factors, it forever changes.
All of that makes sense to me! We grow older, we'll outgrow friends and get new ones, our priorities change, so of course our definition will change. When I first learned this, which was not too long ago, it all made sense. My grandma (the perfectionist) is the happiest when everything has order, my pop (the bishop) is most happy when he sees people praise God like he thinks they should, my brother (the crazy one, lol) is most happy with money, and my niece (the infant) is most happy with something good for her mouth and people replenishing when she shows them that she's finished what she was eating. If there's one thing guaranteed about the world...it's diversity! There's one word tied directly to our happiness: accomplishments! How do we compare next to our idea of happiness? How much of that definition have we accomplished? For me, happiness is success in life. My definition of success (everyones is different due to interests, paths in life) is doing well in everything that I set out to do. My thoughts are always "how are my grades in school? Am I giving it my all? Am I satisfied with the effort I'm putting forth? At work am I fulfilling my duties to the best of my ability? Am I playing my part as a team member to keep the job smooth?"
When I am asking these questions, I am almost always satisfied, even when I know there is room for improvement. The thoughts almost always go wrong when they turn from my own criticism to trying to guess others criticism.
"If Pop saw your grades what would he say? You know he frowns at anything below an A. What would mom say about the time you sound studying. Honestly, you don't spend much time studying. What does your boss think of you? You probably don't do as good as you think."
I said all of that to say this: When we stop living up to our own expectations, it can work in our favor because we develop healthy stress which acts as motivation, but at the same time so many negative things develop that I have to question if that little bit of motivation is even worth it. By incorporating others opinions into our definition of happiness, it morphs, and though it is still in our head, it is no longer OUR definition. Insecurities develop, unhealthy competition, a constant feeling of being in a race, and the worst of all...the perception of failure. Failure is surely a downer! I see it too often, I could even provide real life examples because it happens everyday and it happens to everyone. It can be bad and it can be worse. It's all in whose expectations you began to live up to. Is it your parents/guardians? Friends? Significant other's? Mentors? Or the worst...an "enemy"? Coveting is one of the ten commandments. I am witnessing peoples definition of happiness morphing constantly and not because they care what the people that matter to them think, but because the people that don't matter are the opinions they think most highly of. Searching for an approval they'll never get! Forgetting all of the things that once made you happy because you are competing with someone for THEIR happiness. We have to remember who matters and in what order, and most importantly that our true happiness lies within our own thoughts and opinions, and our joy lies within our relationship with Christ. When you're not being true to yourself, it will eventually get hard to fake it and you will be a visibly bitter person, and willingly on the pursuit of UN-happiness.
Be blessed! <3
It's always been my thought that happiness is what you assume it to be. From my observations and, more importantly: my studies, that's exactly what it is. We define what happiness is to us in our minds and how we measure up to our definition defines exactly how happy or sad we are. Our biological, sociological, and psychological development will be what helps us to create this definition and because of the many influencing factors, it forever changes.
All of that makes sense to me! We grow older, we'll outgrow friends and get new ones, our priorities change, so of course our definition will change. When I first learned this, which was not too long ago, it all made sense. My grandma (the perfectionist) is the happiest when everything has order, my pop (the bishop) is most happy when he sees people praise God like he thinks they should, my brother (the crazy one, lol) is most happy with money, and my niece (the infant) is most happy with something good for her mouth and people replenishing when she shows them that she's finished what she was eating. If there's one thing guaranteed about the world...it's diversity! There's one word tied directly to our happiness: accomplishments! How do we compare next to our idea of happiness? How much of that definition have we accomplished? For me, happiness is success in life. My definition of success (everyones is different due to interests, paths in life) is doing well in everything that I set out to do. My thoughts are always "how are my grades in school? Am I giving it my all? Am I satisfied with the effort I'm putting forth? At work am I fulfilling my duties to the best of my ability? Am I playing my part as a team member to keep the job smooth?"
When I am asking these questions, I am almost always satisfied, even when I know there is room for improvement. The thoughts almost always go wrong when they turn from my own criticism to trying to guess others criticism.
"If Pop saw your grades what would he say? You know he frowns at anything below an A. What would mom say about the time you sound studying. Honestly, you don't spend much time studying. What does your boss think of you? You probably don't do as good as you think."
I said all of that to say this: When we stop living up to our own expectations, it can work in our favor because we develop healthy stress which acts as motivation, but at the same time so many negative things develop that I have to question if that little bit of motivation is even worth it. By incorporating others opinions into our definition of happiness, it morphs, and though it is still in our head, it is no longer OUR definition. Insecurities develop, unhealthy competition, a constant feeling of being in a race, and the worst of all...the perception of failure. Failure is surely a downer! I see it too often, I could even provide real life examples because it happens everyday and it happens to everyone. It can be bad and it can be worse. It's all in whose expectations you began to live up to. Is it your parents/guardians? Friends? Significant other's? Mentors? Or the worst...an "enemy"? Coveting is one of the ten commandments. I am witnessing peoples definition of happiness morphing constantly and not because they care what the people that matter to them think, but because the people that don't matter are the opinions they think most highly of. Searching for an approval they'll never get! Forgetting all of the things that once made you happy because you are competing with someone for THEIR happiness. We have to remember who matters and in what order, and most importantly that our true happiness lies within our own thoughts and opinions, and our joy lies within our relationship with Christ. When you're not being true to yourself, it will eventually get hard to fake it and you will be a visibly bitter person, and willingly on the pursuit of UN-happiness.
Be blessed! <3
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Family is a Blessing!
There are things you will learn in life and while I can appreciate life lessons, I can't hide the fact that some of the things we learn will hurt. At 20, I have been exposed to things that most won't ever get the opportunity to experience and things that most shouldn't ever experience. I grew up surrounded by some things that would sound like a crazy tv show if I elaborated on them. I have survived, not that, physically, my life was always in danger but looking at me now, then looking at what I could have been...I am glad to say that I survived. I think in ways that sometimes surprise me because according to statistics, I should be nothing. I am blessed! He has blessed with ambition and thick skin! An outsider never has and, I honestly think, never will break me down. But then I go back to these life lessons, and I learned that everyone has a kryptonite. I learned that people I love are my kryptonite...I also learned that people I love have the ability to break me down. A brother will hurt you quicker than a stranger, it seems but the reality is they won't hurt you quicker than a stranger, their attempts are just successful. It's a shame when you have to protect yourself from the people that should be standing with you, fighting to protect you from any harm. How can you fight outside your circle when you're constantly fighting within? There goes family values right out of the window because the sense of self is too strong to hold onto it. Another life lesson learned: when you have nothing else, you have family. Your family is who you say it is, everyone won't be blood but sometimes blood couldn't make some relationships closer. So keep in mind while you're burning those family bridges that the thing you have placed before your family is the thing that will break you and with no family, who are you going to turn to? Priorities, priorities. Your family might not be ideal or perfect but they're yours! I love my big (crazy) family.
Xoxo,
Gabby
Xoxo,
Gabby
Peter Pan, Man.
Peter Pan, Man.
I was blessed in life with such a big family, blood family, stepfamily, in-laws, and friends who have become family. I am surrounded by an abundance of women, who have their faults, but are still able to be called women. No matter how modernized the family has become, keep in mind that women are the weaker sex. We were made for man, to compliment a man. Now, don't get me wrong, us women are beautiful! As of late, we have been forced into a confusion, role-reverse because of the lack of men. Not a lack of men as in there are none, but a lack of men as in they don't know how to be men. They have been born a boy and somehow they stay in that mindset. I've been blessed to grow up with three grandfathers, a father, a multitude of uncles, and six brothers. I am surrounded by men! Unfortunately, I can probably think of four men I know that actually are men. They fulfill their duty in the household, in their family, in their relationships, and in their jobs/careers. And the four out of all of them, JUST started getting their selves together. Rewind to the old days where everyone had a role: dad was the breadwinner, the provider, the man of the house...he kept everything together. Mom was the homemaker, the nurturer. Women were courted and married and children were afforded the stability of a mother and father. Men have turned into complete cowards! Not every man, because there are men out there that are doing what they were supposed to do, but we can be honest and admit they are few and far between. Everything changes with the times so I don't expect women to still be in the kitchen, our everyday duties involving a oven mitt and a duster, but does family value have to diminish with every passing year? The world is turned upside down. Men are degrading women, using them for what they want or need, then throwing them away, used and empty. Impregnating multiple women and not even having the common decency to take care of the children they are creating. Moving in with women or allowing her to be the breadwinner because they're too lazy to work. Beating on the women they are supposed to love, most times the ones who gave birth to their children. Having no respect for their mothers or the women who sacrificed for them. Then wondering why their sisters are with a low-life or why their daughters are pregnant teenagers. Why their sons have spent more time in jail than home and why they won't commit to women. Once again, it's all a cycle. There is a shortage of real men in the world. No one is asking for perfection, if we're settling for the breed of men out here now, that should prove there is no need to be even close to good! But there are several things a man needs: priorities, leadership, ambition, and common sense!!! I don't know what's worse ...the fact that these men are boys or the fact that they don't see the problem with their actions. SMH at the future!!!
“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
Laura Swenson quotes
"Top 10: Traits of a Real Man"
http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98c_mafia.html
(I can't agree 100% with the way he elaborates, but the ten titles are on the money!)
I was blessed in life with such a big family, blood family, stepfamily, in-laws, and friends who have become family. I am surrounded by an abundance of women, who have their faults, but are still able to be called women. No matter how modernized the family has become, keep in mind that women are the weaker sex. We were made for man, to compliment a man. Now, don't get me wrong, us women are beautiful! As of late, we have been forced into a confusion, role-reverse because of the lack of men. Not a lack of men as in there are none, but a lack of men as in they don't know how to be men. They have been born a boy and somehow they stay in that mindset. I've been blessed to grow up with three grandfathers, a father, a multitude of uncles, and six brothers. I am surrounded by men! Unfortunately, I can probably think of four men I know that actually are men. They fulfill their duty in the household, in their family, in their relationships, and in their jobs/careers. And the four out of all of them, JUST started getting their selves together. Rewind to the old days where everyone had a role: dad was the breadwinner, the provider, the man of the house...he kept everything together. Mom was the homemaker, the nurturer. Women were courted and married and children were afforded the stability of a mother and father. Men have turned into complete cowards! Not every man, because there are men out there that are doing what they were supposed to do, but we can be honest and admit they are few and far between. Everything changes with the times so I don't expect women to still be in the kitchen, our everyday duties involving a oven mitt and a duster, but does family value have to diminish with every passing year? The world is turned upside down. Men are degrading women, using them for what they want or need, then throwing them away, used and empty. Impregnating multiple women and not even having the common decency to take care of the children they are creating. Moving in with women or allowing her to be the breadwinner because they're too lazy to work. Beating on the women they are supposed to love, most times the ones who gave birth to their children. Having no respect for their mothers or the women who sacrificed for them. Then wondering why their sisters are with a low-life or why their daughters are pregnant teenagers. Why their sons have spent more time in jail than home and why they won't commit to women. Once again, it's all a cycle. There is a shortage of real men in the world. No one is asking for perfection, if we're settling for the breed of men out here now, that should prove there is no need to be even close to good! But there are several things a man needs: priorities, leadership, ambition, and common sense!!! I don't know what's worse ...the fact that these men are boys or the fact that they don't see the problem with their actions. SMH at the future!!!
“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
Laura Swenson quotes
"Top 10: Traits of a Real Man"
http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98c_mafia.html
(I can't agree 100% with the way he elaborates, but the ten titles are on the money!)
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