Yet another reality show has taken the urban community by storm and taken the urban female a few steps back in progress made with our love interests regarding respect and expectations. Urban females (whether it black ehtnicity, growing up in the hood, or being raised in a black culture that makes the woman urban), have long been painted ghetto, inadequate, inferior...there are certain bars that act as expectations and we constantly reach those bars and stay there, proving society right. They tell us we're going to be teenage mothers who will be single mothers...never to get married and then statistics show a 17% marriage rate for black women. Do you know how sad that is? ten women in a room and 1 and 2/3 of them will get married. You visit urban high schools and big bellies are common, EXPECTED. We constantly sell ourselves short and a lot of it has to do with not knowing our self-worth. We've been told so much that we're not expected to go anywhere that we believe it. A lot of us are exposed to street life so early that dating a man whose greatest achievement was being the biggest drug dealer in his 'hood is okay and the man who is the same age but does not have big money, because he is in an entry-level position at a company, is a "corny". It's a constant struggle and our minds are so confused because we have succumbed to the labels of society. How many chickenheads do you know that are Asian or White? They probably can't even define "chickenhead". Not to say that they are better, because they are not, but they grew up with the thinking that they are because society is telling them that they are. It's hard to rise up when the odds are against you but none of this is new, so I don't accept any excuses. Everything we do will be judged, there will always be something wrong but when we turn into the person they said we will be...we are further oppressing ourselves.
Enter Emily B. (see above photo), obviously gorgeous, mother of two (toddler boy and pre-teen girl), celebrity stylist, and "self-proclaimed" girlfriend of rapper, Fabolous. Take note of the self-proclaimed. Since the "Love & Hip Hop" debut on VH1, she has been on a national campaign, trying to prove to the world that she is actually in a relationship with Fab. She constantly says things like, "He doesn't say he has a girlfriend because it doesn't fit into his rap persona", "He'll say he's single and then call me and say 'don't listen to the radio',", and other things that she thinks will help prove her point. Necole Bitchie posted an interview of her saying "If I don't have a problem with it, why is everyone else so bothered?"...yeah. A few points I want to make then I'll leave Ms. B, bee.
1) Jay-Z, T.I., Wayne...Beyonce, Tiny, (Trina, Nivea, and other babymoms). Rappers at the top of their game! No, they don't go around broadcasting, but their women are CLAIMED, also they are seen with them. She can miss me with that rap persona excuse! A fanbase is a fanbase, and trust me honey, him having a girlfriend ain't losing him any fans and ain't stopping no show because we all know some women just don't care.
2) You can't hang your dirty laundry on the clothesline outside and get upset when someone notices it. "...Why is everyone else so bothered?" Ummm...everyone wasn't so bothered two weeks ago when no one knew you existed. Everyone became so bothered when you decided to talk about it on a national television station. Not to mention the show was highly anticipated. D'oh!
3) You DO have a problem with it! If you didn't, your role on the show wouldn't be based on the way you feel about not existing in his world, dressing him up all nice but not being able to look nice with him on the red carpet...busting into tears when you talk to your friends about it. Seems like a problem to me...but what do I know.
The point is, someone will only do to us what we let them do! That's not saying that if we put our foot down, that person will act right, because that would be too much like right. Sometimes that means taking the plunge...leaving that situation that is hurting you so that you can begin to heal and eventually move on. This woman has dedicated eight years, eight years and what does she have to show for it? A kid, some nice things, a reality show that will probably hurt her relationship more than helping it, and a boyfriend that has yet to make a comment and prove her statements true. Know your self-worth and love yourself because "the moment you settle for less is the moment you get less than what you settled for."
Links:
Fab graciously denying Emily
Exclusive in-home Interview with Emily, conducted by Mashonda
http://www.vibe.com/content/pandoras-box-woman-behind-fabolous
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